Many men who cross dress are not even sure why they do. Although the feelings are strong and compelling, the reason or the catalyst as to the "why" is elusive. Most are not able to articulate much beyond some vague compelling feeling. "It just feels good" or "I feel like the real me while cross-dressing" are the most common reasons given to family and friends as to why a person would pursue this expression. However, there is a concrete and knowable reality behind the need for genetic males to express the feminine through cross-dressing, even if they themselves are not aware of it. They range from curiosity and sexual stimulation, to gender identity and even, in rare cases, mental illness. Some explore the opposite gender as a way to connect with suppressed emotions. Others use cross-dressing (CDing) to experience a different life-perspective. The one thing most all cross-dressers have in common is that the need is neither frivolous, nor easily dismissed.
To help understand the mind-set of a cross-dresser, I have solicited the thoughts of twelve people who identify as transgender. None of those surveyed deal with serious mental illness. All those participating would be considered fairly mainstream. All live the bulk of their day as male, or what is referred to as "in male-mode." Most of their friends and family members are unaware of their need to cross dress. In other words, they would appear to most in society as "normal, upstanding male citizens." All identify as Christian, and most are either leaders or active members in their respective churches.
And some of the answers:
"When I dress as a woman I am expressing the maternal softness and vulnerability that I find within myself (softness that I usually conceal and am embarrassed of). I cross-dressed, instinctively in my youth and then purposely in my senior years, to form a more perfect union of all that is me."
"I know the peace of God and I know it well and I have been privileged to experience his supernatural calmness and encouragement often. The thing is, I have never experienced His peace when I have been cross-dressed or even when contemplating doing it."
"My exploration of being transgender has led me to conclude that I was fearfully and wondrously made by God; He knit me together in my mother's womb; He made me the way I am for His glory and to enjoy Him forever. Years of constant daily prayer for the truth have given me no other answer. Realizing I am who I am, transgender, has given me much comfort."
"It was only after I became aware of other trans-persons, that I stopped to examine my life and began to recognize a pattern of behavior that indicated an unusual comfort with the feminine role. As I embraced this just a little, it opened up a flood of emotions I never expected or sought. It was like being honest and real for the first time in my life. So why not embrace this and transition to living as a woman? The cost of that is high by all accounts, very high. I'm not willing to pay that price. I don't want to give up my family and friends and I feel I would have to. I'm not even sure I would want to live full time as a woman if I could. I'm also comfortable living as a man; whether this is due to long practice or the wiring of my brain, I'm not sure. I suspect the latter, though. I envision gender as a continuum and I'm somewhere very near the mid point of it."
"Whenever possible, I present as a woman as completely as a 6 foot 2 inch frame allows. I don't sense I'm acting or putting on so much as I'm allowing myself to be and express what has been long suppressed. Life is not perfect, but it is good."
"I do not consider 'it' cross-dressing. I don't feel women's clothing is not the opposite gender for me, but my normal way of dressing."
"I certainly have emotional needs, but I am an engineer with a master's degree and am a scientist at heart, so I need to understand the clinical side of this as well. This should go a long way to dispelling much of the "out of hand" dismissal of my ultraconservative church background. I am only recently out to my wife of 40 years and she is struggling with this mightily. I don't see myself as ever transitioning but being TG is an undeniable part of me that needs to be recognized and accommodated. My two selves are very separate and I have no immediate plans to share this information with my current church. They would not necessarily be judgmental, it's just that I don't want to go through all of that if I don't have to."
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