"I Am A _______________"

Hannah McKnight talks about early confusion and determining exactly what term best describes us:

...when I was younger, despite being sure I wasn’t the only one like me, I couldn’t imagine anyone else in my life wearing what I dreamed of wearing. I couldn’t form the words to describe who I as, or why I liked to wear what I liked to wear. It was too complex and too simple at the same time. People generally don’t have to explain why they like pizza or going on a bike ride because… well, why would they need to? My thinking was (and to a certain extent still is) why do I need to explain why I wanted to wear a cute pair of panties instead of boring, ugly, and uncomfortable boxer shorts?

I was never confused about who I was. But growing up I wanted to know WHAT I was. I didn’t feel like a boy. I didn’t want to be a girl. The world changed in fifth grade when a friend said the word CROSSDRESSER. I asked what that meant and she simply said it was a boy that liked to wear girls clothes.

To find out there was a word for what I was, for who I was, was earth shattering. It was proof that I wasn’t the only one. Not only was I not alone, but there were so many of us that there was a word for us. I was a crossdresser.

These days if the topic came up, I would identify as transgender… but that still requires a lot of qualifying. Yes, I am trans, but here’s what that means and what that doesn’t mean to me. I like having a word such as this that everyone has heard and most people have a little familiarity of, but since this word can mean something different to every non-binary person out there, it almost always still requires a lengthy talk.

For myself, I use the term crossdresser. I have no interest in being a physical female; I'm not even particularly enamored of dressing in female clothes full-time. I like having a dual identity, as it were (makes me feel like a superhero, sort of).