A History of Going Out

Stana talks about her history of being enfemme in public and the reactions it gets:

I did go out en femme to Halloween parties about a half dozen times and those experiences should have given me confidence about my femulating abilities. In each case, I dressed in “office girl drag” and strangers at those parties asked about me – they wanted to know, “Who is the woman not in costume?” Yet, I still shrank away from going out en femme because I thought my size would expose me as a faux female.

I wanted more, but I still feared that my size would out me. I attended a few trans conventions, which were typically held in high-rise hotels. In those scenarios, there was a greater chance to mix with the civilians, but in truth, the hotels were just a bigger closet than the one at home or at the hall where my support group met.

At one convention, a friend dragged me out of the hotel to shop and dine. Although I looked passable, those were deer-in-the-headlight moments. I acted like a man in a dress in fear of being found out rather than acting like a natural born woman. As a result, I was read right and left.

As I became more active, the need to go out increased. Finally, I had to do something, so one day, I dressed to shop – sweater tunic, leggings, booties, etc (see photo above) and drove to mall. I sat in my car for almost a half hour before I could overcome my fear and push myself out of my car and into the mall.

And guess what? The world did not end and my presence in the world as a woman did not phase the civilians one iota.