Do Clothes Make the Girl?

Hannah McKnight muses on which came first--being trans and liking to wear girly things...or liking to wear girly things and being trans?

From time to time I wonder if I am transgender because I like to wear lipstick, stilettos, pencil skirts, and panties. I also wonder if I wear lingerie, eyeliner, dresses, and heels because I am transgender. Which came first? I don’t know. But I do think about clothes a lot. I love love love wearing “girl clothes”, even in boy mode. Working from home in a pair of leggings and a femme t-shirt? Amazing. Sleeping in a nightgown? Bliss. It’s times like this that I think that maybe, just maybe that this IS all about clothes. But then there’s also the side of me that loves being en femme. I love makeup, the hair, the skirts, everything. I love seeing HER in the mirror. She is me and I am she and that is that.

Yes, clothes make the girl, at least this girl. Wearing a cute dress in boy mode is not the same as wearing the same dress en femme not only visually but also just, well, you know what I mean.

As we are raised, we are given toys and books and clothes that match the societal perception of what we should wear and read and play with based on our genitals (which is REALLY messed up when you think about it). We are being taught that THIS is for boys and THAT is for girls.

We are taught PINK is for girls. We are taught MAKEUP and NAIL POLISH are for girls. And yes, we are taught that (deep breath) panties, bras, lingerie, nightgowns, stockings, dresses, gowns, skirts, blouses, bodysuits, stilettos, high heels, mary janes, ballet slides, wedges, heeled boots, jewelry, leggings, lace, mesh, blouses and a zillion other things are for girls. Therefore, these things are synonymous with girls. Or put another way, synonymous with not being a boy.

If boys are not supposed to wear panties, then I don’t want to be a boy. That’s not to say that I want to be a girl, I just want to be me. Panties, dresses, makeup represent my gender identity. When I see a cute skirt I am reminded (not that I need to be reminded) of who I am, or at least who half of me is. Pretty clothes, cute heels symbolize one of my genders. A side of me that makes me happy. I like who I am. I like my gender identities. I like being reminded of who I am and femme clothes do that. Clothes are a connection to what we love, what we want.