Goddess Lola Speaks

The Goddess was kind enough to give me a critique of my latest story, Re-Made for the Job, and permit me to post it here:

I've just read your story. I see that Vera has taken a page out of Lola Venus Magazine's induction process *smiles*. It was a very nice story dear, I thought the pacing was perfect and the plot flows nicely. However, I am a bit confused as to why they continue to call Rhonda 'Mr Anderson' throughout whilst simultaneously calling him a Good Girl. I would perhaps have included a line about how they referred to her as Mr Anderson in a mocking tone, to emphasise his sissy nature. I also felt Rhonda was rather passive about the whole affair, I realise they've been hypnotised but it doesn't feel like they needed to be, given how well they take to being dressed and ordered about. Perhaps adding something along the lines of 'Ronald knew, deep down, that this was wrong, that he should be resisting, but for some reason as soon as he felt any anger, it just melted away into bliss' would show why it was necessary to brainwash them into a skirt. Overall though you haven't lost your touch, this is a fine story to mark the return to your writing career.

And I explalned my thoughts this way:

In this case, the hypnosis was intended to do the following: Ensure Rhonda acts in a feminine manner, instill subservience to Vera, create the triggers (and allow for others later). I thought the mocking tone was obvious, I guess. Rhonda came in knowing she would be feminized, with a desire to fulfill that role...or she wouldn't have answered the ad...but, in the end, she got more than she bargained for.