Abby Understands

From Thursday's edition of Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: I've been married 33 years. A year ago, my husband started wearing girls' frilly socks and pink nail polish -- the pinker, the better. He thinks it is great. When we go out, he has to show off his nails to everyone. It's beyond embarrassing. I hate going anywhere with him now, and he's mad at me for it. Advice? -- MORTIFIED IN TEXAS

DEAR MORTIFIED: Some performers in the music business wear nail polish, and no one thinks twice about it. (The frilly socks, I'm not so sure.) Could this be your husband's bid for attention, or a way of announcing that he has a proclivity for cross-dressing? If it's the latter, please understand that it doesn't make him any different than the person you have known for the last 33 years.

If you haven't already talked (calmly) with him about this, do it now. As a regular Dear Abby reader, you may appreciate that on a scale of one to 10, this problem isn't world-ending. However, such a sudden change in behavior is worth exploring further.

Does this sound familiar to any of you?

"Under-dressing" in Dear Abby

From today's edition of Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who has been wearing lingerie for the past few decades. I discovered my love of panties when I slipped into my first pair at 17. At 22, I discovered the fun and sexiness of bras and other lingerie, and I wear them under my men's clothing.

I have gone through periods of love and alternating shame for being an "underdresser." I have confided this to a few women in my life and received mixed responses. Some were appalled; others were OK with it. My wife is in the first category. I told her while we were dating and modeled some for her. She thought it was "weird."

I tried, for her sake, to repress my desire to wear lingerie, but it has returned recently. I have been buying panties, bras and other items and wear them only at work or when I'm alone. I have found some solace in finally opening up to the women at the lingerie stores that what I am buying is for me, and I delight in the fact that they are accepting and help me find items I might like.

How do I approach this subject with my wife again and ask if she's open to me wearing lingerie and more often? -- LIVING IN LINGERIE

DEAR LIVING: You have already discussed this with your wife, and she has made her feelings known. Do not expect her to have become more understanding on the subject of "underdressing." You are not the only straight man who finds this practice to be pleasurable. Because this is something you really feel compelled to do, go online to research groups for cross-dressers in your area and join one.

Your thoughts?

Nylons in Dear Abby

I usually keep the all-text items to Tuesdays, but this showed up in my paper yesterday and I didn't want to leave it for another week. From Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: I'm having difficulty understanding my husband's obsession with pantyhose. When we met 10 years ago, he explained to me during a phone conversation that he liked wearing pantyhose and nylon stockings. He's not an outward cross-dresser. His obsession is limited to simply wearing nylon. I accepted his eccentricities and we have shared a wonderful 10 years together. Advertisement I love him more than you can imagine. I admire his honesty with me from the beginning of our relationship. I mean, how many men would tell an almost complete stranger he's hoping to date that he enjoys wearing nylons? I have respected his honesty, but as of late, his obsession is bothering me. What do I do? -- ANNOYED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANNOYED: You can adjust your thinking for the purpose of not destroying an otherwise wonderful 10-year relationship. Some men, like your husband, enjoy the sensation of nylon against their skin. As you probably already know, it doesn't affect their intimate relationship with their partners. The person with the "obsession" may be you, not him. If this is your husband's only "snag," thank your higher power and concentrate on all the things you love about him that make him unique.

Stockings were one of the first things I wore back in my younger days. I still love the way my legs look and feel encased in sheer nylon.

Dear Abby on Cross-Dressing in a Marriage

The following letter and reply ran in the syndicated Dear Abby column in October:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for eight. We have been through a lot together, which has served to strengthen our marriage. My husband is my Prince Charming and my happily forever after.

Recently, he has discovered that he likes wearing women's clothes. It started with him wearing women's underwear under his clothes, which didn't bother me. I even bought him a few pair I liked. It has progressed quickly.

He assures me that he isn't gay, he does not want to become a woman or want to dress in women's clothes full time. However, some of his behaviors have changed, and his wearing women's clothing has increased. When I tried discussing my concerns with him, he said I was being irrational. We fought, and I thought we had worked some things out, but he still has an attitude.

I'm terrified that this is the beginning of the end of my marriage, and I don't want to lose him. But I also don't know just how much of this I can accept or how far he wants to go. He says if I can't accept it, he will stop doing it. But we will both know that he has that desire, and I don't want to stifle something that seems to mean so much to him. I have no one I can talk to about this, Abby. Please help. -- STRUGGLING IN FLORIDA

DEAR STRUGGLING: Take the opportunity to learn all you can about cross-dressing. More men than you may think engage in it, and the majority are heterosexual. An excellent support group for cross-dressers and wives of men who need (not "like") to cross-dress is The Society for the Second Self (Tri Ess). Its website is tri-ess.org. Go there and you will find the support and answers you're looking for.

Keep the lines of communication with your husband open and honest. Only the two of you can determine how to navigate through this. For many couples, it's not necessarily a deal-breaker.

Dear Abby

Before we get to today's dressing and photo sessions, here's a tidbit from this morning's paper:

DEAR ABBY: Recently I was at a club with friends and ran into a co-worker. He was dressed in drag and introduced himself as "Glenda." At work, he dresses like a male and goes by "Glen."

Since that night he has been avoiding me and cutting conversations short, if not ignoring me altogether. Should I let him know I'm OK with his alternate persona, or let it be? I don't want to risk awkward situations. -- SYMPATHETIC IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA

DEAR SYMPATHETIC: I don't know how large your company is or how much contact you have with Glen. If the answer is it's a large company and contact is minimal, then let it be. If you have contact with Glen frequently, and his embarrassment is having an impact on your work relationship, then clear the air by letting him know that what happens after hours is his business and you do not gossip. Period.

Would that the whole world were as understanding as Abby, right?