If It Makes You Happy

Another little essay from Hannah McKnight on being happy as a cross-dresser:

The happiness of buying new lingerie, the feel of a zipper sliding up on a cute dress, the power rush of the first steps taken in my stilettos.

These feelings are connected to memories of the first time I entered this beautiful world. It cannot be described, only experienced. It’s not unusual for us for feel to a little confusion about all this as we realize that this feels right, that this is something that is a part of us.

I have stopped trying to understand this part of me. I have stopped trying to determine why I am who I am. To me, this part of me is simply that. It’s a part of me. Literally. I can’t explain why this part of me makes me happy, it just does. I can’t explain why this makes you happy, either. To me, it’s no different than the other things in your life that create joy… whether it is a certain food, a song, or a season. You just love it and that’s all that matters.

I can’t recall ever being ashamed about wanting to, or wearing panties or makeup or anything else that is considered feminine. I was raised by a single mom for most of my childhood and I have two strong and independent sisters. In my world, women were leaders. People to emulate. I was used to being around girls, and I was friends with girls in grade school at an age when that wasn’t normal.

Eventually I got tired of being called a sissy for being friends with girls and started to hang out with the guys instead. Grade school is tough, and it’s sad how strong gender roles and expectations are enforced even today.

But this side of you is nothing to be ashamed of… unless you think it’s shameful to do anything that is commonly considered feminine. Perhaps Iggy Pop said it best when he stated “I’m not ashamed to dress “like a woman” because I don’t think it’s shameful to be a woman.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.