In and Out of Comfort

Hannah McKnight discusses a cross-dresser's comfort zones:

Let’s face it, for many of us “girl clothes” make us happy. We (and yes, I know I am generalizing and not speaking for all non-cis people) love panties, heels, skirts, dresses, nail polish, eyeliner…The first time we wear anything that isn’t purchased in the boy’s section of a department store is a thrilling, frightening, experience. The first time (and possibly the fiftieth time) is a terrifying event. All of the normal thoughts and fears run through our head. What if someone sees us? What if the cashier laughs at us? When I am shopping for MAN clothes in MAN mode, I never worry about seeing someone I know. I don’t consider what the cashier might think for even a second. But buying foundation or a skirt in male mode? That’s a different story.

Going out of your comfort zone, for the most part, is a good thing. It expands your world, opens up new adventures, and enriches your life. I mean, it’s as scary as it can be, but it’s usually worth it. I can’t think of a time I regretted going out of my comfort zone, regardless of whether it is in regards to this part of my life, or in work, or in my boy life. Even though I am happy and content, I still think about new adventures that are a step into a new comfort zone. It could be flying pretty, it could be something else.

Why do we do this? Why do we go out of our comfort zones when we know we will likely have a humbling experience when we do so? Simply put, because we don’t have a choice. Once we acknowledge and accept this part of us we begin the next step of our (ugh) journey of gender identity. Every new part of this adventure will determine if where we are is where we’ll stay or if there’s another road ahead. At one point I thought I was going to underdress for the rest of my life. Then I moved into “real clothes”. This was a new comfort zone. Soon I realized that staying home en femme wasn’t where my journey ended. I started going out en femme, started a social/support group, started modeling (modeling is a generous term here) and so on. Everything was a new comfort zone. Everything was a humbling experience.