There’s no question that clothes transform me. I move differently in heels than I do in boy shoes, not only because, well, I have to, but there’s something about a stiletto, and a dress, and… anything else in my closet that creates a change in me. I zip up my dress and I wiggle my hips a little. I apply my lipstick and smile.
I feel happy, I glow. I feel the tension of my boy life fade away. I transition into Hannah’s world.
This is not to say that it’s a relief to leave my male life behind for a while. I am happy in both of my gender identities and I would miss either of them if I was ever required to chose one gender to present as for the rest of my life.
As we enter the real word and interact with others, we begin to get to know our femme selves. Perhaps we are shy in our male lives, but become social butterflies when we are in a skirt.
I do a lot of introspection about who I am and what I do and what I want. This is something I have done all my life. This self-analysis, and often over-analysis, has helped me come to terms with who I am and where I am on my “journey”. I don’t want to transition, I love who I am, I love all my genders. All both of them.
I sometimes feel that these two sides are in such contrast to each other that they might as well be different people. It’s not unrealistic to think that, I mean, I have two different genders after all.
As someone who lives their life in two genders, I understand how complex we can be. Those in my life who I have come out to couldn’t be more surprised at who I am.
[This is the last link I have to any discussion of cross-dressing or female domination or hypnosis right now. If you know of any site where I might find suitable material for this weekly spot, e-mail me: prettysissydani@gmail.com]
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