As pointless as it is to wonder why we are who we are, I still find myself thinking about it, especially when I am drawn to a new outfit. I bounce the whys of who I am back and forth for a bit and then come to the same conclusion that I have come to for years… that there is no answer.
At least I didn’t think there was until the other day! I realized it IS all about clothes. Sort of. Kind of. I mean, yes, but no. It’s kinda sorta both.
Walk around the baby section of any department store. You’ll see onesies with phrases on them like “precious little lady” and “cute little man”. You see pink diaper bags and blue baby blankets. From the moment we are born (and even before), the arbitrary concept and social construct of gender is assigned to us. We don’t have a choice what color socks we wear but whether they are pink or they are blue will have a huge impact on how we are seen and treated. Soon we are being told that boys don’t cry and girls are pretty.
As we are raised, we are given toys and books and clothes that match the societal perception of what we should wear and read and play with based on our genitals (which is REALLY messed up when you think about it). We are being taught that THIS is for boys and THAT is for girls. But if you don’t want to play with trucks or wear pants but you want to play with dolls and wear dresses then we may start to wonder that maybe, just maybe, we are not boys after all if that is what boys are “supposed” to like, wear, and play with. And of course, if we’re not boys, then who are we?
I never felt like I was a girl, I just wanted to look like a girl and dress like a girl sometimes.
We are taught PINK is for girls. We are taught MAKEUP and NAIL POLISH are for girls. And yes, we are taught that (deep breath) panties, bras, lingerie, nightgowns, stockings, dresses, gowns, skirts, blouses, bodysuits, stilettos, high heels, mary janes, ballet slides, wedges, heeled boots, jewelry, leggings, lace, mesh, blouses and a zillion other things are for girls. Therefore, these things are synonymous with girls. Or put another way, synonymous with not being a boy.
If boys are not supposed to wear panties, then I don’t want to be a boy. That’s not to say that I want to be a girl, I just want to be me. Panties, dresses, makeup represent my gender identity. When I see a cute skirt I am reminded (not that I need to be reminded) of who I am, or at least who half of me is.
There's a lot more Hannah has to say about this...I recommend you read the whole thing.
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